


My Crazy life 4

by NordicPossession



Series: Humor [4]
Category: OCs - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mummy: The Animated Series, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-24 23:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22326379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NordicPossession/pseuds/NordicPossession
Relationships: Friends - Relationship
Series: Humor [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607026





	My Crazy life 4

_*At Nemo’s.*_  
**Maul:** “I think she was standing a little close.”  
**Imhotep:** “Man, look at her. If I wasn't married, you know what I'd do?”  
**Blee:** “You'd wear the same underwear every day?”  
**Imhotep:** “Oh Come on! You don't think she's hot?”  
**Maul:** “Yeah, she's all right.”  
**Blee:** “Relax, you're gonna pull a muscle.”  
**Imhotep:** “She's all right? She's built like the lady from the sexiest women on earth TV show! You know, like this.” _*Imhotep starts acting like a sexy lady model.*_  
**Blee:** “Oh my god please don’t do that!” _*Blee grimaces.*_  
**Sexy waitress:** “Your order will be up in just one minute guys.”  
**Imhotep:** “Did you smell her?”  
**Blee:** “Seriously?”  
**Imhotep:** “Ask for Parmesan.”  
**Maul:** “No.”  
**Imhotep:** “Go ahead!”  
**Maul:** “I don't want Parmesan.”  
**Imhotep:** “Waitress!?”  
**Sexy waitress:** “Yeah?”  
**Imhotep:** “Maul here would like just a smidgen of grated Parmesan, please.”  
**Blee:** “Wait, a smidgen? You can't control yourself, can you?”  
**Imhotep:** “I cannot.”  
**sexy waitress:** “Say when.”  
**Maul:** “When!!”  
_*At home the next day.*_  
**Me:** “This waitress has got your wallet.”  
**Imhotep:** “What? My wallet?”  
**Me:** “Yeah. It's at Nemo's.”  
**Imhotep:** “I didn't go to Nemo's.”  
**Me:** “Well, your wallet made it there somehow. Do you have your wallet?”  
**Imhotep:** “no.”  
**Me:** “she just said that she waited on you yesterday.”  
**Imhotep:** _*starts blushing and gibbering like an idiot.*_ “Might have been a waitress over there even though we usually go to the counter but today Nemo forced us into this table where the waitresses go so we had to have a waitress not “have” a waitress we had waitress service.”  
**Me:** “So how pretty is she?”  
**Imhotep:** “I didn't say she was pretty.”  
**Me:** “You didn't have to. You're being so defensive about it. My gosh, you'd think something was going on.”  
**Imhotep:** “No, no.”  
**Me:** “Look at you! You’ve become a gibbering idiot all of a sudden!”  
**Imhotep:** “What did I do?”  
**Me:** “Come on, can't you be honest? Look, if you saw someone pretty yesterday, you can tell me.”  
**Imhotep:** _*getting exasperated.*_ “I saw nothing!”  
**Me:** “Wow, she must be extremely beautiful.”  
**Imhotep:** “Look, she's Nemo's niece. How beautiful can she be? You've seen how ugly Nemo is. Some men might find this waitress attractive even though she is nowhere near as pretty as you, though. Which means that you are the more attractive one my dear Luba.”  
**Me:** “I have the right to know at least! Okay, so she's beautiful. That's all I wanted to know. No big deal.”  
**Imhotep:** “Good. So it's over, done. All right, what's for dinner?”  
**Me:** “Lasagna. Would you sleep with her if we weren't married?”  
**Imhotep:** “What? No!”  
**Me:** “Let's just pretend I didn't exist.”  
**Imhotep:** “I don't like this ride. It's scary.”  
**Me:** “What are you afraid of?”  
**Imhotep:** “Look, if you didn't exist I'd never meet another woman because I'd be a sailor. I'd just sail around the world by myself married to the salt and the sea.”  
**Me:** _*getting exasperated.*_ “Man, okay, just forget it. I was just kidding.”  
**Imhotep:** “All right.”  
**Me:** “Okay, so you're a sailor. You pull into the port of Queens to take on supplies and you go ashore to Nemo's. You're lonely from this long journey and you come upon this lovely pizza wench. Would you sleep with her?”  
**Imhotep:** “You don't exist?”  
**Me:** “It's like It's A Wonderful Life. There's no Luba.”  
**Imhotep:** “Well, then it's not a wonderful life, is it? How many months have I been at sea?”  
**Me:** “Seven.”  
**Imhotep:** “And there's no wind, there's nothing, I'm just stuck there for a long time?”  
**Me:** “No me, no wind, stuck on shore.”  
**Imhotep:** “Well, yeah. Sure, yeah. I guess so. Break out the Funky Cold Medina.”  
**Me:** “I'll take that as a yes.”  
**Imhotep:** “Fine.”  
_*At Nemo’s that same day.*_  
**Blee:** “You hungry yet?”  
**Imhotep:** “No.”  
**Blee:** “Then just come sit with me. Come on. What are you looking so guilty about?”  
**Imhotep:** “That's my natural look.”  
**Maul:** “Look, lighten up. You didn't do anything wrong.”  
**Imhotep:** “Let me tell you something. This whole thing has been bothering me ever since yesterday.”  
**Maul:** “By the way, Imhotep, I did not need that much Parmesan cheese!”  
**Sexy waitress:** “Hi, I'm glad you guys are here again.”  
**Blee, Imhotep, and Maul:** “You are!?”  
**Sexy waitress:** “Yes! Here you go. You've all got cute smiles there.”  
**Imhotep:** “I'll be right back.” _*Starts heading to the bathrooms.*_  
**Maul:** “Man, you are golden.”  
**Blee:** “You know who she smells like? Do you remember Carla D'Amico from high school?”  
**Maul:** “Yeah, Carla D'Amico. She smelled like vanilla and apple and strawberry.”  
**Blee:** “You know what she was like? The syrup caddy at the House of Pancakes.”  
**Imhotep:** _*Comes back from the bathroom.*_ “Let's go there later.”  
**Megatron:** “Hello, guys.”  
**Imhotep, Maul, Blee:** “Hey Megatron.”  
**Blee:** “Megs, what are you doing here?”  
**Megatron:** “Let me in.”  
**Blee:** “Why are you here?”  
**Megatron:** “I came to see the new waitress.”  
**Blee:** “Oh, God, Megs!”  
**Imhotep:** “Relax Blee, I'm trying to eat my lunch here.”  
**Sexy waitress:** “Hi, will you be joining them?”  
**Megatron:** “Yes, I will, thank you.”  
**Blee:** “Holy crap!”  
**Maul:** “Okay.”  
**Sexy Waitress:** “What can I get for you?”  
**Megatron:** “I'll have a meatball sandwich, dear.”  
**Sexy Waitress:** “And to drink?”  
**Megatron:** “A non-alcoholic beer, s'il vous plait.”  
**Maul:** “I think she's got a little crush on Imhotep here.”  
**Imhotep:** “You had better watch it.”  
**Maul:** “What's the matter with you Imhotep? Does your wife know?”  
**Imhotep:** “What? There's nothing to know.”  
**Megatron:** ”Imhotep’s wife told me that Imhotep left his wallet here yesterday and that the waitress here found it. So she called the house looking for Imhotep.”  
**Blee:** “You denied noticing her, right?”  
**Imhotep:** “I tried, but she can tell when I'm lying. And we had to discuss it.”  
**Megatron:** “You don't know what you're messing with here, do you? You could get hit by the thunderbolt.”  
**Imhotep:** “What's that?”  
**Megatron:** “The thunderbolt. You see somebody hot and sexy, and then before you know it, you're in big trouble. It's in your blood.”  
**Imhotep:** “All right. I can't go into detail.”  
**Sexy Waitress:** “Here you go. Large meatball.”  
**Maul:** “You had better watch it. No more pizza, you understand?”  
**Megatron:** “Sweetheart”  
**Sexy Waitress:** “Yeah?”  
**Megatron:** “Could I have a little Parmesan over here, please?”  
_*At home later on.*_  
**Imhotep:** _*Walks into house.*_ “Hey, everybody.”  
**Me:** “Hey, Imhotep.”  
**Imhotep:** “I'm starving. What's that I smell there, meatloaf?”  
**Me:** “Yeah, but that's for tomorrow. I was thinking we could go to Nemo's tonight.”  
**Imhotep:** “What did you do?”  
**Me:** “Nothing. We here were just having a discussion.”  
**Imhotep:** “Oh, no.”  
**Me:** “But it's over now, because we all are going out to dinner. Come on everybody, let's go.”  
**Blee:** “What a tangled web we weave.”  
**Imhotep:** _*Stars gibbering like an idiot again.*_ “You sure this is a good idea, honey? Pizza could be fattening. Not that you have to worry, not with your great figure. Oh I can't wait to get you home!” _*20 mins later at Nemo’s.*_  
**Me:** “Hey, Waitress, we're ready to order right now.”  
**Sexy waitress:** “Hi, Imhotep.”  
**Imhotep:** “Hi, waitress. Look, guys, fire!” _*Tries to distract everybody.*_  
**Me:** “Hi, I think we spoke on the phone earlier. I'm Luba, Imhotep’s wife.”  
**Imhotep:** _*Starts gibbering like an idiot yet again.*_ Hello. I know. This is Luba, the little lady, my wife. I don't mean "little" in a size way, or "little" that she doesn't matter. She's my great big lady!”  
**Blee:** “you just cannot stop can you Imhotep?”  
**Sexy waitress:** “Nice to meet you again. You want your usual?”  
**Imhotep:** “Like I have a usual.”  
**Me:** “Go ahead, Imhotep. Get your usual.”  
**Imhotep:** “Instead I'm gonna go with Italian food.”  
**Blee:** “WTF!?!? Oh my god Imhotep, this is an ITALIAN RESTAURANT and COURSE it is going to have Italian food here!! The thing is WHAT type of Italian food do you want!? You really are NOT thinking with your brain anymore aren’t you?”  
**Imhotep:** *completely ignores Blee* “And what about you, my bride?”  
**Maul:** “We three are gonna have a large cheese pizza and share it.”  
**Me:** “I'll have a root beer, and he needs something to drink right away. And I'll also have a salad. Thanks.”  
**Sexy Waitress:** “Okay, coming right up. Thanks.”  
**Me:** “She is very good looking. I can see why you made such a big deal about her.”  
**Imhotep:** “Me? I didn't make a big deal about her.”  
**Me:** “Oh yes You did.”  
**Imhotep:** “I made....Yeah.....But remember, You're the one who put me in the ocean and killed yourself. Then you kept me out there for seven months, a lonely sailor. You made me do it. You made me sleep with her.”  
**Sexy Waitress:** “Hello. Would you mind helping me out here?” _*Imhotep simply sits there like a doofus.*_  
**Me:** “Help her Imhotep!! What's the matter with you!?”  
**Sexy waitress:** “There we go. I forgot. You like Parmesan right?”  
**Maul:** “No Parmesan!! Unless you want Parmesan Imhotep.” _*looks at Imhotep*_  
_*later at home.*_  
**Me:** “What are you doing in there, honey?”  
**Imhotep:** “Nothing. Oh that really does sting stupid shoulder. Listen, I'm sorry about tonight. I was a jerk.”  
**Me:** “Just tell me one thing. Do you wish I looked like the waitress?”  
**Imhotep:** “No, of course not! How could I tell you apart then?”  
**Me:** “What is it with you men? Why is it when one of you sees a very sexy young woman he becomes a gibbering idiot? Why is how a woman looks the most important thing in men’s eyes?”  
**Imhotep:** “That's Nature’s way. That's why the eyes are in front. If what a woman said was the most important then the ears would be where the eyes are.”  
**Me:** “I just thought you were different from all of the other guys out there on earth.” _*starts crying.*_  
**Imhotep:** “Oh god don’t cry! I am different than all of the others out there. I'm very special. You know that. Come on. This is no big deal.” _*Imhotep hugs me.*_  
**Me:** “You looking around at hot sexy women is not a big deal!?”  
**Imhotep:** “I didn't look around at any of them, I simply happened to look at that waitress because she was standing in front of me. That's all my dear. You know how much I love you.” _*we then fall asleep hugging each other.*_


End file.
